Mafia Gazette Past Issue 135
The Mafia Gazette Issue 135 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Sunday 13th May HOLY WAR? b/ Last week we saw the spawn of two new religions; Dominism, brought to is by the 'God' of the religion Tie himself and The Dark-side; brought to us by DarkSide, the speaker for the darkside. Wary at first.. followers began to join either side and the religions began to grow. But as many predicted, the two could not live harmoniously side by side, and so at 3am on Tuesday the 15th TieDomi the 2nd took to the street and announced that there was only room for one new religion on these streets. He claimed that the fighting would no longer consist of harsh words and insults, but escalated into a full blown war. As Tie made his speach, he seemed more than confident that his religion would be the victorious one, going on to tell them all how glorious his victory would be. As he continued his speach Darkside made his way onto the stage. Mr Domi ran at him at full speed and the crowd gasped as they thought this was the start of the war. However Tie did not hit Darkside, instead he embraced him in a hug. The two began to explain to the confused onlookers that both religions had fallen and in their place a conjoined one had emerged, The Darkside of Domi. Dark explained how both religions had not been so different and that they could serve better as a religion with 2 gods than 2 religions fighting and so they took the best of both and made one great religion. TieDomi, former God of Domism reminded the followers that they were however still at war with LeChuck, Romano-no and followers, people he claimed, wished to cause them harm. Following the announcement, many onlookers seemed pleased. It seems many of them had been unable to sign up as they had been torn between which to join, but now they did not have to choose. However some exsisting members did not seem quite as happy with the situation.. for the past week these followers have believed that the other was evil and now for the two to be combined it has shattered many's beliefs. Will this union make the 2 stronger? Or will their former differences tear them apart? '''A GHOST TOWN b/ Where is everyone? If you have been around a while, or have been flicking through the diaries of your grandparents, you may remember the days when the streets where packe full of people. When you couldn't walk down the street without seeing many familiar faces, stopping for a chat, when the local bars where full of people and you could spend hours just sat in there with friends over a drink or five. The days when people were falling over one another to speak in the streets... But now the place seems like a ghost town, not a soul to be seen. The once buzzing cities are now deserted. You can wander around for hours on end without talking to a soul, empty bars and shops sit on every corner.. and it's not just one or two cities, it seems to have spread throughout the whole country. Even the city jails seem emptier, the cells and yards sit uninhabited. So where are all the people? They're not showing up in funeral homes, nor has the accountant been up to his old tricks. It seems people are staying indoors, going straight or refusing to following in parents footsteps.. spending their time sitting in offices all day instead of mugging the elderly!! We asked a few of the people we could find their opinions on why people might be avoiding the streets.. One man we asked told us he felt it was because the high ranks have the skills to kidnap, beat and rob us while we are left defenceless against them.. and following the story we covered in the last issue about made men becoming more and more happy to kidnap anyone they happen to see, we can begin to understand why people wouldn't want to show their faces around the streets. They simply do not feel safe. He went on to add that before mades started to clean out their victims kidnappings were few and far between, now they realise that people carry their ammo and firearms on them and can easily steal it by kidnapping them they are doing it all the time, 'They have become nothing more than random muggers and killers, Low life to be blunt. No one want to work their ass off for two days without a bank and lose their money to an irresponsible made. It just isn't worth the effort. So one has to chose between leaving our world, becoming a citizen or not doing anything for two days and hope some ass doesn't try to nap and kill them. Of the choices most are chosing not to continue in our way of life.' Another woman said 'I think it's quiet because the ammo man has become to sadistic and killing too many people, wiping out entire bloodlines as they either have no descendants or if they do, they have no desire to follow in their footsteps and be taken in such a cruel way.' Ammo man? Kidnapping? Random killings? Perhaps the street is just becoming too much nowdays to all but the toughest of mafioso. Entire bloodlines wiped out, offspring leaving the mafia, at this rate we'll have no one left on these streets. '''CROOKED GAZETTE REPORTER? b/ In the last issue of Dark times, if you’ve missed it it’s available now at the regular magazines stores, their top story was from a paid of gazette reporter. We will try to figure out how this could have happen. The editor for Gazette tells us that she is very frustrated with the reporter and that she knows the identity of the writer which we will call Joe but she doesn’t want to give out the name. According to her the writer had expressed his apology but as she stopped the presses in order to get the story in the next issue she is still angry. A secret source who wants to remain anonymous tells us that the reporter got a much larger salary from Dark times than he would get from the Gazette due to the nature of the story. Our inside source at one of the local banks tipped us off since one of the reporters at Gazette had gotten a rather large wire transfer into his account just before the issue of dark times was released and we had a talk with this person. After some harassing and name calling we finally got “Joe” to admin that he was the reporter who had sold the story, however he claimed that it wasn’t the money and that it wasn’t even his fault. - I’m sorry that it got out the way it did, it wasn’t my idea for Dark times to actually get the article from the first time. At first I only sent them to a person which I don’t want to reveal the identity of for him to read through it and see if it was any good for the gazette since I want the things I write to be of good standard, says “Joe”. Joe also denies the fact that it would be a large amount of money involved and states that it was the same salary as from Gazette, but can he really be trusted after selling a gazette story to a competitor? '''TARBY IN LAS VEGAS b/ The retired delinquents boss was spotted in a Head Quarters in LV last week. As the whispers and funny looks began, Tarby realised it was time for a public explanation. He made his way to the street to explain early on Sunday evening to answer the question 'Whats this with you in Vegas, how come you’ve set up in Vegas?' He told the gathering crowd that a short while ago he had been approached by a friend of his, a Leory, who asked if he could house sit in Vegas. This meant a free place to stay and free roam of Las Vegas.. Giving the retired man a chance to roam free in the city, Tarby jumped at the chance to relax and play the slots in Vegas. When he was there he realised what an ugly city Las Vegas has become over the past few months, and went about finding out why. He told the crowd that he discovered it was because LV's current leader, Mr Valentine, was simply too ugly to run a beautiful city. He said someone who could not keep up their own personal appearance could hardly be trusted to keep the city looking as wonderful as it once was. He went on to say that if Vegas is to be returned to its former glory, it would need to be run by someone with style.. a G.A.Y man to be precise. He urges everyone to elect one of his own to be the new leader of Vegas.. Is MrValentine in for some trouble from the G.A.Ys? '''BRING AND BUY SALE b/ On Sunday 13th May many people made their way to the first Bring and Buy sale carrying boxes and boxes of stuff to make themselves a day's earnings, while others simply dropped by to browse what others had brought to offload. We seen a wide variety of stalls and items, from Portia's Voodoo dolls to shoes and butt plugs. The event went down without a hitch With Portia's dolls being the most popular item of the day. The Gazette caught up with the day's organizer, Portia.. Reporter: How did you come up with the idea for the Bring and Buy Sale? Portia: Well, in my spare time I make these voodoo dolls, I find they are quite handy in the event of a fight or even a war, stick a few pins in and while the enemy is twitching you can run. So, I got a bit carried away, and by the time I had made a couple of hundred I had no where to store them, so I thought it might be an idea to sell them. Then I thought maybe others had interesting things to buy and decided on the bring and buy sale. Reporter: Was it difficult to arrange the day? Portia: No it was very easy, I just found a day that the community hall wasn't in use and booked it. Reporter: Are you planning any future bring and buy sales? Portia: I have a few things I am planning at the moment along those lines. Reporter: Is there anything else you'd like to add? Portia: Due to popular demand, well actually, due to the fact that no one has left yet, the bring and buy sale will last until the last one out shuts the door. A great way to spend a quiet Sunday afternoon, and make a few bucks too. Portia's not giving away any of her future plans, we will just have to wait and see. '''LOTTERY REMINDER b/ This Saturdays numbers were: 3, 6, 9, 12, 40, 43 Don't forget, there's still time to enter tomorrow's draw. Just send 5 lines of 6 numbers to Portia along with $10 to enter. '''OBITUARIES b/ Genji - Wise Guy - May 14th, 07 5:45PM Crab: Come with me, said the fish to the crab and I will show you a cave where beautiful coral live. RIP Aoshi_Shinomori: *grabs the corpse and runs away with it* Hell no, you can't leave me till I'm done using you! Muahahahahahaha! RIP GiuseppeGenco: May your soul rest in Peace Brother ~Lays a white rose on the coffin~ HomerJaySimpson: Nothing saddens me more, comrade, than to see a man of your greatness perish. Rest In Peace, comrade. *Lays dozens and dozens of white roses on coffin* Phoenix - Wise Guy - May 14th, 9:31PM Alysa: awww why? i'm gonna miss ya hun RIP MrValentine: how much could i possibly help you and you do this shit. unbelievable. RIP Lily-Brookes: RIP honey Diablo - Wise Guy - May 14th, 10:57PM Bartimaeus: RIP best mafioso with devil horns. Roy-Bloom: Noooooooo Lays a dozen white roses down rest well RIP '''CLASSIFIEDS b/ Have a business? Horses? Anything you want advertised? The Gazette will advertise it here, absolutely FREE! Just drop Totally_Guitarded a mail with the details. The Gazette is back and looking for writers once more. If you have a flare for writing and wish to apply, either part time or full time.. drop by the head office in Chicago or simply submit articles Totally_Guitarded. Good rates of pay!'''''